Summer Cookout Season Might Require Some Financial Planning — DTN

    A good 15 minutes early for their 10:30 appointment, a nervous young couple sits in the bank lobby armed with enough files and papers to make professional auditors look slipshod. This promises to be a critical day for their financial and dietary future.

    It had taken months of market watching, number crunching and sleepless fretting for Tyler and Kayla Carnivore to bravely knock on the door of debtor’s prison. Relentlessly drilling each other with best-case-worse-case-scenario flashcards, the agonizing indecision began wearing on the very foundation of their happy marriage.

    The day Tyler flew into a rage over a burnt hamburger and Kayla wept uncontrollably into an empty freezer, they both knew it was time to listen to their growling stomachs and form an unholy alliance with First National Bank of Muleshoe. Whatever the interest rate, whatever the terms, whatever the required collateral, these hungry dreamers were finally prepared to sign their lives away.

    Kayla asks her husband to review the checklists of documents one more time: verifications of employment, five years of tax returns, four years of bank statements, updated financials, inventory of personal property, 10 letters of character reference, completed parental consent forms to co-sign, three credit reports, and a flash drive containing extensive medical histories.

    Tyler then begins to yet again rehearse their good-cop-bad-cop strategy. But before he gets to the part in the script when Kayla is cued to say “Would you mind if we shopped around?” the secretary announces that the personal loans officer is ready to see them.

    Handshakes follow pleasantries follow an awkward joke by Tyler about why Willie Sutton liked to make bank withdrawals. Jittery small talk grows smaller and smaller until the smiling vice president breaks the awkward silence by playfully speculating on the purpose of their visit.

    “I can see new home buyers coming for miles,” the banker chirps. “I bet you folks need a little help buying that perfect split-level or four square. Well, it’s a great time to jump on these historical low interest rates. Confidentially, I can tell you that they’re headed higher.”

    “Oh, no,” Kayla laughs at his frivolous suggestion. “We’re not interested in real estate at this time. I’m afraid our needs are a bit more serious and immediate than a 30-year mortgage can handle.”

    “Now sweetie,” Tyler cautions, “let’s not rule out long-term financing per se. Our money needs may not exactly involve brick and mortar, but lower payments over extended time could make a lot of sense.”

    “Good point,” the loan officer assures. “We could easily work out some great terms on a second mortgage for home improvements, paying off expensive college loans, maybe even fund that once-in-a-lifetime vacation.”

    “Excuse me, sir,” Kayla chuckles. “But you continue to bark up the wrong asset tree. Tyler and I are confirmed renters. No lawn care, no repairs, no taxes, no hassles, no house.”

    “I’m very sorry,” he puzzles. “My secretary said you were interested in applying for a sizable personal loan so I just assumed it would be along the lines of a first or second mortgage. Exactly what did you have in mind? Perhaps a car loan?” Life is filled with surprises and eventualities, and most times, the items that happen are unexpected. These unforeseen events may include loss of employment, theft, or maybe sicknesses. When such things happen, one is unable to pay the loan and honor the agreement with the lender. In such circumstances, the lender may sell the car and keep the cash . Sometimes, the lender may plan to push the quantity for another month. The interest is then calculated on the entire amount due. This commonly mentioned as rolling over, and therefore the new interest could also be called the rollover fee. If such an occasion happens again, the lender should roll the loan once again repossess the car. Fast Money Car Title Loans NEW: car title loans guide: a article, you can read here.  For the case of a rolled-over debt, the borrower may finally be unable to pay, and therefore the car may finally be repossessed. Most of the people that choose car title loans are usually in desperate need of cash . Lenders cash in of their situation and offer the loan thereupon really high APR. this is often because it might work for his or her advantage if the borrower is unable to pay the loan. Click here if you want to know about How Does A Car Title Loan Work.

    The lender can sell the car at a better amount and keep all the ‘profit.’ it’s been shown that about 20% of the people that use car title loans find yourself having their cars repossessed. Car title loans can fix you in debt throughout your life. this is often because; some value their cars and should not want them repossessed. they might , therefore, obtain a loan from elsewhere to offset the present loan. This process may repeat itself until the borrower gets into a situation they can’t help anymore. The car may finally still be repossessed.  What you can do to pay some debts is like what I did which is sell my car quickly for cash. “That’s closer to the ballpark,” Tyler concedes, handing him a specific proposal from his briefcase. “I suppose you could think of the total payout as two SUVs, two large SUVs.”

    As the banker reads through the lengthy loan request, the furrows of his brow deepen with each line item, so much so that by the time he reaches the totals at the bottom of page six, he looks like a Chinese shar-pei after a long day at the dog show.

    “Please, help me understand,” he groans slowly. “You’re asking this institution to finance the summer cook-out season of 2014? Frankly, I’ve never seen anything like this, never in 30 years of banking.”

    “Glad to hear we’re on the same page,” Tyler smiles while moving to close the deal. “Record beef and pork prices have become absolutely breathtaking, enough to sink any family budget caught without a decent line of credit. Kayla, slide over here and walk the man through all these numbers.”

    “As you can see,” Kayla starts her presentation, “our grilling budget begins with the mere essentials: one 8800 Grill Tsar, one Caveman Super Smoker, 500 bags of charcoal, three cases of lighter fluid, one starter gas torch, one first-aid kit… ”

    “Let’s jump past the chump change,” Tyler interrupts. “Of course, most of the loan will cover the soaring cost of red meat commodities. Hamburger and steaks are listed from the middle of page two to the bottom of page four with pork cuts detailed on pages five and six. Now I’ve estimated beef and pork prices at 15% above current prices, but the meat market is moving so fast it’s almost impossible to guess how everything will ring up at check-out.”

    “Whatever,” Kayla shrugs. “If we run a little short, surely we can scoot back to the bank for a bit more capital. You might even want to leave the note open until all these delicious strips and chops are safely tucked away in our freezer.”

    “Good thinking, my love,” her husband replies. “But all the more reason to move quickly on this loan package. That’s why we’ve come a good two months before the great grilling season begins. The sooner you can disperse funds, the more butcher paper we can command at the meat counter.”

    For the next long minute, the only thing you can hear is the sound of the bank vault slowly closing. Then come the words long famous for destroying entrepreneurial hope and vision.

    “Thanks for letting us look at your proposal,” the tight-fisted banker says, “but at the present time there just doesn’t seem to be a fit with our profit-driven business model.”

    “What do you mean ‘fit’?” Kayla wants to know. “Take a look at our supporting documentation. If beef and pork prices eventually stop working higher, we could almost have the loan repaid by the time the 2015 grilling season starts.”

    “For the love of sizzling sirloin, man,” Tyler cries, “what do you expect us to do?”

    “There’s always chicken or tofu,” he concludes, exposing that his frugal nature is further compromised by a complete lack of taste.

    The Latest

    Send press releases to

    View All Events

    [ecs-list-events limit="5" key="start date" order="asc"]
    Send press releases to

    View All Events